Oneupmanship. And stealing, of course.
Because capitalism is a beautiful thing. And a lifetime of fun is a wicked bargain, no matter the price. Heck, you spend that at Starbucks for a couple of coffees, for crying out loud.
Old's Cool was such a big hit with the traditionistas that we decided to make it a stand-alone brand. Check out our terrific website Old's Cool Co. and prepare to be wooed and wowed.
What goes on behind closed doors is your business. Seriously, we won't rent, sell, or compromise the integrity of your credit card or contact information. Ever. For any reason. (See "The Fine Print" below.)
When we first started out we were hoping ONEUPMANSHIP would conquer the world, but our dream was defeated by the slow, inexorable, thorough, unflinching, inhuman machinery of foreign officialdumb. No kidding — after innumerable headaches, delays, laughs (ha!) and lots of useless and time-consuming paperwork, we decided to stay in our own backyard so-to-speak.
UPDATE: Due to overwhelming demand (and a few not-so-veiled threats), we've decided to ship via U.S. Mail to Canada for a mere ten bucks extra; Europe, Hong Kong, Australia, and New Zealand for an additional twenty.
Yes, if you're not thrilled or frustrated or both with any of our quality goods, we'll refund 100% of your money, no questions asked.
We take your trust seriously, and do everything we can to be deserving of it.
Oneupmanship.com will not sell, rent or abuse any of the personal information you provide us with, either as a subscriber or a customer, and assures you of the security of your credit card information.
When you sign up for our newsletter, we promise not to spam you to death with irrelevant crap — we're only into smarty-pants writing worth reading.
We mean vice versa. Seriously, never question the Integrity of the Execution: We do our best to have all of our stuff in stock, and to ship out your order within 24 hours. If we don't, or can't, we'll notify you by email with a completely believable excuse. Seriously, all orders ship USPS First Class; overseas orders ship USPS International First-Class mail.
As our way of saying thank you very much for all your incredible support, we're now offering FREE SHIPPING* on all our cool, genius loot, from this day forward, until forever... with liberty and justice for all. *U.S. only, excluding Oneupmanship. However, we'll provide U.S. Priority Mail service to Canada for a dirt-cheap $12; everywhere else in the world is a mere $20 more.
No one has a monopoly on fun... but we guarantee you'll absolutely love all of our cool Oneupmanship brainy stuff, or your money back. Period. Well, semi-colon; if for some inexplicable reason you don't have a blast 'playing our game' so-to-speak, we will refund you 100% of your money. With no questions asked, except "What the heck...?"
Send all returns to: Oneupmanship Returns, 13 Wilson Road, Weston, Connetiquette 06883
If you're interested in stocking our quality products in your store, we'd be delighted to have you on board.
We made a career out of bending, breaking and laughing out loud at the rules, so who are we to say you can't make up your own when playing our games? Go right ahead. But to get you started on the road to victory, we've put together a "Cheat Sheet" for ONEUPMANSHIP that is essentially a condensed version of the rules, bada bing, bada boom, since some players were intimidated by our big words (and no pictures) instruction booklet.
Don't worry, greenhorns, go ahead and download the ONEUPMANSHIP "Cheat Sheet" now – don't hesitate to ignore it whenever you feel like it!
We've also written down some "Official" One Up! instructions which you can download here and then discard or disregard immediately, if not sooner. N.B. By side bets we mean cold hard cash – no checks or IOUs allowed.
We think that ONEUPMANSHIP is a beautifully-designed grownup board game that's not only wicked, cutthroat fun, it's also a cheeky and irreverent lifestyle accessory/wry political statement. The operative word in that last sentence, by the way, is "grownup." Not everyone agrees; in fact a lot of people seem to think it's one of the worst games ever made, and not only do they hate, hate, hate it – they can't imagine "how any human being alive would want to play it."
We're not making this stuff up. ONEUPMANSHIP may be perfect for the right crowd, but it's definitely not for everyone. Are you a 30-40 year old aspie neck beard still living in your mother's basement? Stay away. Love to wear socks with your ethically-sourced sandals? Stay way away. There are other people who probably won't take a shine to it either, like quinoa eaters and do-gooders, but we don't want to stereotype, or impugn anyone's character. Poets, whiners and the faint-of-heart? Pass. Everything is Bush's fault anyway.
One Up! is also about showing everyone else how wicked and smart you are. And having fun. Taking things that don't belong to you is not only encouraged, it's rewarded. So steal away!
For all you sticklers, here's the official tile count: A – 8, B – 3, C – 2, D – 4, E – 9, F – 4, G – 3, H – 4, I – 5, J – 1, K – 2, L – 4, M –4, N – 5, O – 7, P – 3, Q – 1, R – 5, S – 6, T – 6, U – 4, UPPITY – 1, V – 2, W – 3, X – 1, Y – 3, Z – 1
Both One Up! and ONEUPMANSHIP have some playing pieces that are smallish and can be a choking hazard if mistaken for food, or candy, for example, and swallowed. So use some common sense (even if it means acting out of character for a change), especially when playing around very young children, dogs of any description, or friends with oral fixations. Seriously, if you are even reading this "Disclaimer", DO NOT PURCHASE OUR PRODUCTS — they're only recommended for IQs of 120 and higher, we mean ages 13+.
And in case you were wondering, "Bitter Pills" and "Smart Pills" are not some wonder drug in a handy 8-dram vial, but are simply breath mints (for the intelligent), and have no obvious medicinal value/practical use whatsoever. They should always be taken with a grain of salt. They are not sugar (or irony) free, and may have come into contact with nuts. In fact, we know they have. The actual ingredients are: dextrose, modified starch, magnesium stearate, peppermint oil, acesulfame k.
And finally: The Executive Package comes with a unique selection of custom pawns, which vary from game to game. Most likely you won't get the exact ones you want, so don't bitch about it: go out and make/find/buy your own – a piece of sea glass, signet ring, Pez dispenser, sentimental champagne cork, etc.
We learned all about oneupmanship as a teenager in the early '70s from a very old friend named Dr. Victor Popeo. He was, and is, a wry, self-deprecating and fine man, and knew every cool trick in the book. Our hat is off to you, Dr. Popeo.
Eric Berne's bestselling Games People Play was a huge best-seller when we read it in college, and it made a lasting impression on us. (The book, not college.) Even though Berne readily credits Stephen Potter's Gamesmanship as a precursor, we weren't familiar with his work until recently.
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