Mine are, mostly because of video game crack, and global warming. Seriously, do you want to teach your precious snowflakes some hard truths about winning and losing, and get them ahead in life? Turn them into the “greedy, self-serving punks" that they really are, and have a blast doing it? If you're a 'no participation trophies, please' type, then ONEUPMANSHIP, the way-better-than-Ivy-League education disguised as a classic board game is just what you need to whip the whelps into shape. Their brains'll get a much-needed machiavellian kick in the pants, figuratively speaking, of course – which they'll thank you for later. Just make sure they're wearing clean underwear.
You can buy an "Ivy-League" education. It's fifty bucks.
The whole point of ONEUPMANSHIP is to have fun with your family and friends. No it's not, it's about winning — pure and simple. Just kidding! Play the game of life like you mean it: Buy low, sell high. Wheel and deal. Then double deal. Live large. Lose huge. My building's bigger. 25 pushups? Boom. Boom. Boom. Trophy Wife swap, anyone? Indian Arm Wrestling... ha, piece of cake. Yikes! Bankruptcy happens. The first player to reach $100,000 without losing their shorts (so-to-speak), wins.
This deluxe version includes 4 custom pawns, a Scarlet Letter "B" pin, and a vial of "Bitter Pills". Nice package. Wait a sec... we're also going to throw in a limited-edition "Man Up." t-shirt — a rallying cry for unfunny uncles and money-grubbing grandmas everywhere. Bring ONEUPMANSHIP to your next get-together and we guarantee you'll be the hero. Unless your friends/in-laws/loved ones are humorless losers.
"I'm just your average 21 year old, sometimes sober college student training to be a chef at the Culinary Institute of America. One of my friends recently told me about this new game he'd gotten called ONEUPMANSHIP, and how much fun it was. So one Saturday night we broke it out and played. I got the 'Knuckles' card and my hand is still killing me!" — Jonathan Ikegana, Hyde Park, NY.
First off, are you recalcitrant and brainy? Love words? Hyper-competitive? Not above a little larceny? Then you'll definitely love One Up! — it's fast, quick, hard as hell and makes a virtue of a vice that's also incredibly addictive: taking things that don't belong to you. So use the intellectual soup you've got in the kitchen, so-to-speak, to snatch other people's words with impunity – and find out oh what fun it is to win.
ONEUPMANSHIP is proud to announce that we are now the "Trophy Sponsor" of the Inaugural Old's Cool Tour, September 10th-13th, 2015.
The assignment is easy: have fun driving your vintage automobile 1,000 miles through scenic New England, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania visiting en route each of the 8 most prestigious and gorgeous universities on the planet. You'll have a blast meeting up with classmates and fellow aficionados, talking shop, enjoying incredible amenities, savoring great foo… wait a sec, the point is not to have fun, it's to win the rally, of course. Not only win, but totally beat everyone else. And owning the rarest and most expensive machine wouldn't hurt either. All the while being fake self-deprecating and charming. Haven't you learned anything at all since the day you graduated?
Sign up now and get first dibs on the latest and the greatest. We'll only contact you when it's totally worth your while, and promise not to spam you to death with irrelevant crap. Ever.
If you'd like to contact us to – ask a question (please make it short, relevant, and easy to answer); register an above-the-belt criticism or complaint; pay us a compliment, or many; waste our time and yours with trivialities or trolling; or just to say hello – at least do it with some vim and panache: email@example.com
"Do you drink? Heavily? Are you louche and fatuous? Unhappy? Skint? Then go grab a cheap case or a bottle right away and push it down. Empty your head, if it isn't already empty. Shovel off your desk and get your calendar on the right year at least. How's your mother, by the way?"