Just because you have a beard and tattoos doesn't make you interesting.

Why does it seem that the younger generation is a bunch of whiny, entitled shut-ins? It's mostly because of video game crack, and global warming of course. Not to mention the fatuous and epicene role models they see one million times a day. Seriously, do you want to man things up a bit around the office, and hammer home some hard truths about winning and losing? Turn your family/friends/colleagues into the “greedy, self-serving punks" that they really are, and have a blast doing it? Then this school of hard knocks disguised as a classic board game is just what you need to whip the lame complainers in your life into shape, for good and ever. It's way better than an Ivy League education, and will give their narrow minds a very much-needed kick in the pants, figuratively speaking, of course – which they'll thank you for later. Just make sure they're wearing clean underwear.

A cool and creative upside the head smack of old school fun. Just fifty bucks.


"I'm just your average 21 year old, sometimes sober college student training to be a chef at the Culinary Institute of America. One of my friends recently told me about this new game he'd gotten called ONEUPMANSHIP, and how much fun it was. So one Saturday night we broke it out and played. I got the 'Knuckles' card and my hand is still killing me!" — Jonathan Ikegana, Hyde Park, NY.

Read more satisfied customer complaints here >

Our other Darwinian game is for people who like to steal.

First off, are you recalcitrant and brainy? Love words? Hyper-competitive? Not above a little larceny? Then you'll definitely love One Up! — it's fast, quick, hard as hell and makes a virtue of a vice that's also incredibly addictive: taking things that don't belong to you. So use the intellectual soup you've got in the kitchen, so-to-speak, to snatch other people's words with impunity – and find out oh what fun it is to win.

Larceny is lovely, smart and cheap (only $17.50)!

"Look, Chadwick, a rally for us."

ONEUPMANSHIP is proud to be the "Trophy Sponsor" of the Second Annual Old's Cool Tour, September 8th-11th, 2016. We couldn't have had more fun on the inaugural Rally Around the Ivy League if we had gotten arrested!

We got (old) schooled!

The assignment was easy: have fun driving your vintage automobile 1,000 miles through scenic New England, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania visiting en route each of the 8 most prestigious and gorgeous universities on the planet. You'll have a blast meeting up with classmates and fellow aficionados, talking shop, enjoying incredible amenities, savoring great foo… wait a sec, the point is not to have fun, it's to win the rally, of course. Not only win, but totally beat everyone else. And owning the rarest and most expensive machine wouldn't hurt either. All the while being fake self-deprecating and charming. Haven't you learned anything at all since the day you graduated?

Click here to find out all about 2015's "Unglaublich super geil fun."

Stay tuned for more excellent, genius loot.

Sign up now and get first dibs on the latest and the greatest. We'll only contact you when it's totally worth your while, and promise not to spam you to death with irrelevant crap. Ever.

If you'd like to contact us to – ask a question (please make it short, relevant, and easy to answer); register an above-the-belt criticism or complaint; pay us a compliment, or many; waste our time and yours with trivialities or trolling; or just to say hello – at least do it with some vim and panache: johnnymustard@oneupmanship.com

Check out our blog The Upshot

"Do you drink? Heavily? Are you louche and fatuous? Unhappy? Skint? Then go grab a cheap case or a bottle right away and push it down. Empty your head, if it isn't already empty. Shovel off your desk and get your calendar on the right year at least. How's your mother, by the way?"

Take me away, Calgon... >